I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk.
I asked my friend to distract her. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to Itunes. And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex….. And I know it’s ALL TRUE because I read it on the internet!Today, a customer that I’ve been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting?
You’ve ever rung someone’s doorbell and said “Landshark!” In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.Today, I told my mom about my night terrors in which I am laying in a ditch with people shooting at me, and I have no ammunition to defend myself. His response?
His response, “I got your best friend pregnant”.
FML16. Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. “I’ll have a black coffee and 250 Advil tablets” is a typical breakfast order for me these days. It would be easy to make the Vulcan Death Grip look like an accident: I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!! Kids would like it for the look. Today, I was out to dinner with my little sister when this elderly woman sitting alone started choking and I rushed over and started doing the Heimlich Maneuver, She’s now pressing charges on me for assault. If you would like us to raise your children, press 4. Steve Is In Big Trouble I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I’ve seen my own conception. The age-old question “Where’s the beef?” still makes you laugh.
FMLCustomer: What’s the difference in the paint? FMLToday, I got a letter from Princeton that said i got accepted. My little brother walks in laughing with his camcorder on record. It may be the same paint, but we sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. And not only that, but it completely changed their relationship with food.Maybe this isn’t new to you since it can be kind of obvious. Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. We leave that to the pretty girls.” FMLSkiers hate snowboarders. You crash to the ground like a tree and lie there while skiers swoop past and deliberately spray snow on you. - tensojka/ipfsearch-webapp Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgewise for getting a 48 on my test. I was denied.
I must have been hexed by a triple curse,I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. So, I asked them about it and they told me that they are second cousins. Noticing this I ran to it and poured a pitcher of water on it. Which One Do You Think Is Happier 20.
He took the wrong one. You remember when Jordache jeans with a flat-handle comb in the back pocket was cool. They used the candles on the table to set the table on fire. As we were dancing, another woman grabbed my ass from behind me and squeezed. OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. FMLToday, I unexpectedly got my period at lacrosse practice. Today, my wife went to the hospital because she had been gaining weight recently and had missed her period the last three months. “Please allow the doors to close!