It allowed me to examine what was really happening.
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She told me that she had to go and I asked if we were going to speak later. The issue may surface again, and that is OK.The experience I made when trying to focus the argument on the emotions and their origins was that some people are so used to the way we usually fight that they fire back no matter what, and this can become a painful Gandhi-like experience where you take bullets in a completely unarmed and vulnerable state.
She then apologized, and admitted she could have handled the situation better. In a previous article about the desire to be right i explained how some personality traits can lead to arguing. Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but …
I think it is absolutely crucial to look at the biological background of our behavior.
In almost any argument, the true subject matter is each person’s perspective on what has occurred—how it makes them feel, what thoughts it provokes. Additionally, we must be willing to create a conducive space by welcoming an open dialogue wherein each person is allowed to say anything they want, except if it is malicious or destructive toward themselves or the other person. I’m gonna share this with my significant ones!Thank you for the kind words. If a person is being that adamant and stubborn, there is resistance within them to which they are not paying attention.
You can perhaps respectfully ask them why they are getting so worked up, but that is all. If not, then agree to disagree. A person who wants to argue all the time with you (or with everyone) is angry, competitive or insecure. If we had, it may not have happened. This is to be handled with care though, people could think you dont take them seriously, so be careful especially with your significant other ;)WIthin the animal kingdom, if you’re a lion, and another lion encroaches on your territory, you roar and growl to let the other guy know this is your space. We’ve been together for eight years, and it had been a while since we had spent any extended time apart.
I allowed the thoughts and feelings to flow. Why Do We Argue? The only real criteria for an effective argument are staying present, speaking one’s mind, and allowing the other to speak theirs. Great one!
It’s amazing what a sincere apology can do for the other party as well as ourself.“If you’re arguing with someone for more than five minutes, chances are it’s not about them or their actions. Only when Christina and I spoke peacefully, candidly, and honestly did the healing begin. But we improve our chances of success when we treat others as collaborators rather than enemies, treat their ideas and beliefs with respect, and recognize that we can’t achieve 100% agreement 100% of the time. We would have been able to have a constructive argument from the get-go, which probably would have dissipated much sooner.When I first heard that, I thought I understood, but it has taken me many years to decipher that statement.
I think that we can all relate to at least one of these, where we admitted that we could of handled things differently. Watch Queue Queue
We cannot argue effectively if we are unaware of what is going on inside.
Or it may have happened regardless, but we would have approached it differently. An argument is more or less a disagreement for example who is the best Quarterback in the NFL? Occasionally, the other lion does not back off and a bloody fight ensues until one is mortally injured or submits. In turn, she may have also told me about her troubles. It had been a long time since I had experienced that sort of anger. First, when Christina blew me off, I wanted revenge.
By ‘present,’ I mean taking a moment to breathe, check-in with oneself, and to honestly examine what is there.
Often, after a series of traded threats, the outsider will stand down, and the argument dissipates. Hope you enjoyed the article!Bio: New York based artist, performer, writer, personal trainer, buddhist, and lover.
We get tangled up in our anger and it blinds us to the truth. Even when we ‘win’ an argument, we haven’t truly won.
I sat in a meditative state. It’s about you.”The next day, we finally spoke and I told her what I had discovered.
A discussion is constructive, and its wonderful to have discussions, but when arguing it is always this paradigm being enforced of “I’m right, you’re wrong.”Get the picture? When you hear the word " argument ", you might envision scenes of battle: politicians trading insults simply to score points on their opponents, or roommates fighting over whose turn it is to take out the trash. Terence Stone founded urbanspiritual.org in the hopes of helping others on their spiritual/introspective journeys.If they fly off the handle, you are well within your rights to walk away calmly.